Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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