i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
