Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
