I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize