Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
