He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a search helicopter?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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