Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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