I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
