Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
