Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize