Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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