...so i touched it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
