im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
