u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
