batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
