I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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