so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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