see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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