He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the liver wants what the liver wants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
