I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
