Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
