I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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