That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
