I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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