Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
