It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
