I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
