When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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