I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
