Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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