You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
