I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
