I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
