so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
