Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
