What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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