theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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