please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
