Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
