I look better un-naked...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
