Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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