when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
