Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
