you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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