I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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