I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
