Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
