She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize