Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
