I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
