Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pants are for mortals
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
