All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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