You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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