Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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