Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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