he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
