You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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