pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
