I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
