brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
