I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
