i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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