He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
