If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize