she was so not down for the gang bang
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
