I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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