i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
